you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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