I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
