he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
