This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
