How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize