yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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