Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
