I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
