No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
