guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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