Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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