He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
