i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
