Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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