I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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