That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
