Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
