he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
