If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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