Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
