What did we do last night that was yellow?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
