I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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