This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
