Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
