You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
