I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
