I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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