So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
