Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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