I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
