Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
