You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
