well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
