Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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