They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
