i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
