she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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