It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Welp...herpes.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
