So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
