just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
