I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
