You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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