this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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