I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Vodka?
Forever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
