and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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