After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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