The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
