you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
