i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
