I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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