Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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