How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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