I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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