Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
