Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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