just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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