He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
