I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
