If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
