Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
