Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
