hell yes lets make some ravioli
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
