I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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