you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
