Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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