So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
