To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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