I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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