her vagine was all disorganized.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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