Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
