Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize